I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
