I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
