I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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