According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
