Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
false alarm. still invincible.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
