Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
