It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
