69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
