im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
