She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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