i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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