I have demons in me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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