when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
