My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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