They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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