if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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