I think I died a long time ago.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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