Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
