Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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