Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
soo... how was my night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
