just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
