P.S. I can't hear my feet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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