Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
