I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
