got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
