Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
