Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
