I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
