do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize