Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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