I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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