dude i'm inner monologue high
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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