The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
