You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
