I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
