Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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