You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
