nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
