Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
