Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
