You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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