Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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