he told me I talked like a deaf person
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
