i permit you to call me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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