I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
