I wish my penis had an off switch
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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