first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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