Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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