"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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