Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your penis caused this!
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