That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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