ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
