I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
