Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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