Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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