so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
