i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize