who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
