I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
