Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
