My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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