Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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