YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
