So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Panties = found
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
