I heard we made out
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
