Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
