I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
