you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
