Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
