her facebook's as public as her vagina
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
