direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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