I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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