Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
