thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
