I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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