so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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