there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
